i cringed at the part where i posted nothing but jamiroquai videos and lady gaga screenshots but somehow im going to find a way to stand by this.
Art Nouveau Doors
(Photos uncredited as I collected them on my hard-drive a long time ago!)
Woah, woah, woah.
That first one is amazing. I love asymmetry so gosh-darned much.
waaaaah!
and when i say “nobody likes” i am talking about the other cats. the other cats are fucking sick of his bullshit. i found out today it’s because this cat is un-neutered and he does this spray-on-yr-shit-bullshit that cats like that do.
and then the yellow cat falls OFF of the window because i sit up and ask “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” because he is literally climbing up the window screen and he is fully off the ground and this fucking ginger cat looks like a naked mole rat of immense size in the low light.
all i can see is your balls cat, up until the point that my voice startles you and you fall.
and then in like two moments, the damn black cat that continually emotionally manipulates me is there also clawing at the screen like “haaaaay i heard that whats upppppp haaaaaaaay”.
i swear to god these little bastards wait until im alone to do this shit because they know that i am a sucker and that i secretly want to open the door and fucking bathe in them.
catbath. drown in cats.
i always find myself mystified by the situations / poses / backdrops people think to take pictures of their penis in front of. really? a notebook with a bunch of email addresses? why are you holding your dick in front of that notebook? why did you write GMAIL that many times, and whats with the random strings of numbers? is this some kind of secret communication ? because it’s also mostly illegible / extremely blurry, so its not really effective on that level either…..
what if I called my period the red miles from now on
i call mine shark week
i call mine scarlet yopantsin. yoPANTSin. scarlet. pants. sticky cristina bloodcelona. lost in menstruation.
i call mine … i dont call it anything but it consists screaming incoherently in every room of the house, setting up office hours in the bathtub, sleeping incessantly, avoiding humanity, everyone knows.
First off, I love your blog, you’ve saved me from myself more times than you’ll know. The only thing is, I have a problem that I don’t know how to solve, and can’t ask anyone but you about it.
I’ve been going out with this guy for three months, and he’s pretty…
5:00 am
derailed entirely by a GIANT FUCKING SPIDER THAT WAS HUGE AND IT WAS ALSO CAPABLE OF JUMPING, RUNNING // LEAPING EXTREMELY FAST. TOWARDS ME. MALICIOUSLY. ALSO TERRIFYING and yes, i did yell about it, to myself, and the cats, in hopes of rescue.
5:00-5:13 am
shaking violently all nearby objects and items of clothing to assure that the spider is not actually on me. attempting to find someone who is still awake to come and distract me from the existence of spiders. (no luck.)
5:30 am
hiding in shower, assuming spiders would least favor the room which was most recently painted, also spiders cannot hide in your body crevices if you wash them (irrational fear, yes.)
5:30-5:45 am
sitting in bed thinking about spiders / spider proofing an outfit to wear back downstairs. lecturing the cat for not eating enough spiders.
5:45-5:50 am
boot conundrum - boots are obviously the most ideal shoes to protect foot region from potential spider weaponry if i need to stomp on the spider, but contain a clear and obvious danger on the basis that the spider could in fact crawl INSIDE of the boot while I am not looking, thus being trapped directly next to my leg. Not acceptable.
5:50 am
opting for boots because they make me feel like the sort of person who doesn’t have extensive fits of spider anxiety and flailing and the knocking over / throwing of things at the mere suggestion of the appearance of a spider.
6:00 am
changed seats in the room to the one with the least cracks (after investigating all of the cracks) and left a pile of rumpled fabric on the floor near where spider was last seen in the hopes that it will explore that instead of attempting to further explore the depths of the part of my brain that controls uncontrollable panic.
places i have looked for the spider since then —
is it in my soda? (no) (and why did i think that?)
is it on the computer or under the computer? (no)
ashtray? (no)
other ashtray? (no)
de-facto empty soda ashtray? (no) (what the hell, it can have it)
places i refuse to investigate because it seems too likely I might actually see the spider again —-
couch cushions
under couch
fabric pile
other awkward fabric pile
the space on the floor next to the phone charger
MY BACKPACK (EXTREMELY UPSETTING THOUGHT!)
i feel better for having written this.
i’m going to try to do more work now, maybe.
